Twit, Twitter, Twiddle Lee Dee
In today’s paper they listed the top ten Twitter All-Stars. Lady Gaga is number one with over 6 million fans following her every tweet. I have 59. Not millions, seriously 59 followers. Admittedly so, I only tweet when I have something important to say and I only say it once in a while. Thus 59. Now if I tweeted everyday and let’s say I let people know when I wake up, take a shower, go to the bathroom and then make some phone calls, who knows maybe my fan base will go up to about 61.
Ok! I’m not a rock star. I can’t sing, well she can’t sing either. Maybe if I change my name to Lord Blah-Blah, I’ll get a few more fans. I can perform in my underwear or nude, that should raise my numbers or lower them depending how you look at it. If people want to see an overweight, balding, aging guitar player perform that way, I’m in! I too can become a super star.
But wait! I may have to stop playing very far out jazz and “God forgive me”, play music the public understands like Pop or Rock or even worse, I would have to play a solid body guitar, loose weight and wear a multi-color wig, tattoos and make-up. Maybe then I can raise my numbers to 101 fans. Hey it’s going up.
Lady Gaga writes her own songs. I compose and write songs with lyrics. When Lady Gaga sings her songs, no one understands the lyrics. When vocalists sing my songs everyone understands the lyrics. Wait! Maybe that’s it! I have to write songs that no one can understand and have singers garble the words, which will make them totally foreign. That’s the key and the answer. I now know the formula to becoming world famous!
Write garbage, play garbage, look like garbage and the worse you are the more the public will love you. Gees, why couldn’t I think of that 30 years ago. You see, that’s what a manager is for. What a wasted career. I could have impacted millions but instead, 59 fans. Hey what can I say? 59 is better than none.